Lonely Bantam Rooster Seeks Female Companions

It started about the time I noticed Old One-Eyed Calico Jack hanging out inside the coop all day. I could only assume he had tried cavorting with one of The Wenches and Blackbeard banished him to solitary confinement. Then the freezing weather hit and I grew weary of breaking up the frozen water in the north end of the coop. We designed the coop to have passive solar heat in the south end. The north end was designed for storage. The south end's water wasn't freezing. The north end's was. So I declared a state of emergency and forced all The Pirates to evacuate the north end.

It was tense at first, but Blackbeard soon established dominance over Bob and pecking order was established. But Old Jack still was staying in the coop all day. Once I couldn't find him at all. He was hiding behind the food storage box. I don't know how long he'd been back there.

I let it go on for a couple of days, but noticed Old Jack seemed really, really hungry when I would sneak him a treat. Bob and Blackbeard were relentless in their heckling and even the Fat-Bottom Girls were chasing poor Old Jack. I don't think it helped any that he was trying to cavort with them while they were laying an egg. Then came the final straw when I realized he'd spent the entire night hiding behind that storage box while the others pooped on his head.

While doing the chores that morning I left the door to the north end open. Jack high-tailed it in there looking for a place to hide. I closed the door behind him and gave him his own private food and water. He was famished! I left him to rest awhile in peace. When I came back later he had his craw so packed full of food you could actually see it bulging in his neck.

I was so mad at the others for starving him, Jack now has his own private living quarters in the north end. Problem is, chickens don't like living alone. So I had no choice but to place the following add on craigslist:

Lonely Bantam Rooster Seeks Female Companions

Old One-eyed Calico Jack would like to settle down and start a family. While he's partial to Ameraucanas, at this stage in his life he's pretty much willing to cavort with any bantam who will take him. If you have two or three lovely ladies that might be interested in meeting Jack, please contact us. We are willing to trade a few of our large-breed fresh layers since they seem to be out of Jack's league and too much for Old One-eyed Jack to handle, or pay a reasonable price.

I'm happy to announce a man named Milton took pity on poor Old One-eyed Calico Jack and offered up a couple of his darling mixed bantams. We'll be picking up Jack's two new lady friends on Friday to come hang out with him in his swingin' bachelor pad. They're small, young and impressionable and should think Old Jack is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I'll be back to breaking up frozen water again but that's okay. He deserves it.