Tuesday, July 22, 2008

What to do About Bob?

That is the question. You see, Bob has some issues with social skills. Or the lack thereof. He's a friendly boy. He loves to sit in my lap and be petted. He's better behaved than my dogs. Certainly better than the cat.


He's a good enough looking fella, but he's not popular with the ladies. Presumably due to his um, how should I say this, um, approach? Yeah approach. You see, Bob's pretty clumsy. And well, he's young. And well, no one took all the boys in one room and the girls in the other and explained stuff. Stuff like, uh, what goes where and all that. So the poor boy is, uh, stumbling his way through it so to speak. And I must say doing it very, very badly.

So as you can imagine, the girls tend to react not so receptively. Which makes Hermie the Love Chicken angry. Because Hermie the Love Chicken is the all powerful protector of the flock, and nobody messes with his girls. So Hermie the Love Chicken doesn't care much for Bob either.

Which leaves only The Stew Brothers. When Bob was placed in the pen with The Stew Brothers it didn't last long. I don't know for sure which unwritten code of social chicken conduct Bob violated, but the feather's were flying and Bob's knees were nearly scratching his chin trying to get away from those guys. He ended up landing in the corner where he found a hole and buried his head. I don't think he planned to ever come out so I went in and got him.

I asked Blackbeard if Bob could stay with him and learn some pointers, but he said he's too busy taking care of his wenches and fighting off ol' Jack. He didn't think there was much hope for Bob anyway.

So we had to put together a place for Bob to live. A private bachelor pad. Where he can sit around and scratch himself or whatever unnoticed. Maybe once Bob matures a little more he can be reintroduced to society. If not, I may have to arrange conjugal visits. That is assuming he ever figures out what goes where. Anyone have a pamphlet I could slip under his cage?

10 comments:

StitchinByTheLake said...

Poor Bob! Haven't we all felt a little like Bob on occasion? Wanting to find a hole and get in it? Thank you for taking care of him when he can't take care of himself (obviously!). Hilarious post. :) Blessings, marlene

Amelia said...

Oh, you are so funny! Maybe we should take up an offering and send poor Bob to a sex therapist.

Do keep us posted as to when and if he decides to be a "man" so to speak.

amelia

Sandy said...

Poor Bob...

Renee said...

So he only Doodle Doos?

Jayne said...

What a funny, funny post! I was cracking up. And then I read Renee's comment and I lost it. It's a good thing I wasn't drinking milk when I read that--it would've come out my nose I was laughing so hard!!

Sharon said...

What a hysterical post! Poor Bob. And Renee just made me snort! (lady-like-ly, of course!) I love your chicken stories! Maybe Dr. Ruth could have a few words with Bob.

Milah said...

Too funny! I think he's suffering from performance anxiety. Be patient with'em! Poor boy, it's got to be embarassing.

Jen said...

You're killing me...

Doodle doos????? OMG.

Maybe he's just not ready to "come out of the coop so to speak...

All I'm going to think about today is the movie, "What about Bob?"

Suzette said...

So, my twenties-something daughter walks by while I'm reading your post and says "What a beautiful chicken!" And she's not into chickens AT all...so I dunno. Looks count for a lot among the younger set. Maybe there's a place for Bob in Hollywood.

Carol said...

OMG you are so funny. You should write a book about these chickens of yours. I would certainly buy it.